ET, stranded on Earth
by ArtisticGallifreyan
Summary: She falls, she crashes and she runs into the one human being that she could definetly do without. Starfleet alien ensign goes back in time to a pre-warp Earth. Original character Star Trek crossover with House MD. Please R&R!


What a day it had been...

What a day indeed.  
With the various clinic cases coming across rather as basket-cases that House practically diagnosed all with a common STD or the Rhino virus, he was beat. To his misfortune he wasn't given the luxury of an unsolvable case to solve, and Cuddy had been chasing his ass all morning. Whinging about this and that, that and this and it was getting to the point where he just wanted to lodge his cane in her mouth and permanently damage her vocal cords in the process. But no, he wasn't given **that **luxury either.

So now, he was in his car and driving on the roads lightly gifted with a sheet of winters frost, so to his dismay the speed limit was unfortunately lowered, for his safety and the for the safety of the other drivers. Yet he had chosen to take a longer way home, turning off down onto the highway and taking a long detour that would guide him past a few open farms. A bit out of Princeton, but there was nothing to watch on his TiVo and Wilson was probably busy coaxing his soon-to-be ex-wife back into a healthy relationship. So yeah, his afternoon was fairly grim. And due to the winters frost he decided to leave his bike parked and locked out the front of his apartment, which oddly enough hadn't had any attempts at being stolen yet.

_Lucky bike..._

For the record, he found the country-Esq driving experience soothing, and most certainly relaxing. Less cars on the highway, and it took his mind off his bummed leg, giving him a chance to sink in his seat and let the car roll along in a smooth and stable motion. He was actually slightly pissed at how normal the day had been. He was even counting on a case of some rare infection that would have been easily treated; even Golden Staph would have been nice, but no. Today was STD's, Rhinos and sunburns with the patient being convinced that he had gone red from eating one-too-many red lollies. And not to mention Foreman had nagged him about some 'moral ethical conduct' that he had zoned out of from the moment the man had opened his lips.

His hands rested and patted on the wheel, refraining from jerking to the side thanks to the incredibly straight nature of the road. Sooner or later there'd be a turnoff that would lead back to the city and back to the apartment, so inadvertently this wasn't a way home, but a way out and a way home _again_. Listening to the iPod tracks via a cable that connected to the cars speakers, he enjoyed the tunes of 'Slippery When Wet' by the Commodores, and he let his fingers casually tap along to the tune. But his normal day was about to go from extremely normal, insanely messed up.

_Very messed up._

It all started with his song being cut mid-chorus to be replaced by a strong crackle of static that sounded through his speakers. No matter how hard he tried to change it, and no matter how hard he tried to re-tune it to a frequency that would hit his favourite song again, the static only continued to get louder and louder. It fizzed and crackled and increased in sheer volume despite his efforts to turn it down. "What the-"

Then things became even _more _messed up.

As he returned his field of vision back to the open road, a painful sound came from behind and roared in his ears. It sounded like a jet-engine, or some sort of vehicle with a large motor, but from a very close range.

And it was getting closer, and closer...

_And closer._

_Until..._

**WOOOOOOSH**

"What the fu-"

He didn't even get a moment to blink when an incredible vessel roared overhead and was a mere few inches away from scraping the top of his car. The vessel, which appeared to be a small shuttle or ship of sorts, had evidently taken damage with one of the rear 'engines' smoking and emitting dangerous flames that scattered out into the surrounding oxygen. From what he saw, it appeared to be a refined, sleek vehicle that hadn't matched any current space shuttles he'd seen through the media relating to NASA, and he was fairly sure the engines didn't emit an aurous blue glow in what appeared to be some sort of 'nacelles'. But his time to analyse was quickly cut short, because by now the 'ship' had continued its rapid descent towards the large open field of grass and the occasional bovine that scattered from the sight and sound of the ship heading its way.

**CRASHHH**

Birds scattered from trees due to the sheer impact of the ship forcing its way against the ground, sending bucket-loads of dirt flying up and pushing outwards while the ship left a skid-mark of destruction as it slowly tore up soil and tore apart grass as it slowly came to a grinding halt, the flames from the atmospheric entry to Earth still hissing steam and spoke and burning on the outer hull of the ship.

House didn't even check his vicodin prescription bottle to see if he had OD'd by mistake, because he was already flooring it rapidly towards the field. He didn't even bother getting out and climbing under the fence as he sent the car flying through the barbed wire fencing, scratching the outer layer of his car and dragging a few metres of fencing down, which 'probably' wasn't good for his car however he didn't care. He didn't even care if this was a hallucination, because whatever he saw crashing down was incredibly detailed and incredibly cool. Hallucination or not, he wanted to explore this and see where it was going. And if it was real...Two possibilities; human shuttle that NASA had kept hidden, OR...Aliens? No, aliens didn't exist. He'd keep an open mind in the existence of a higher power, and possibly even consider that there _might _be a single power under the name of 'God' sitting at a high and mighty chair with a beard, but as for aliens? He didn't really consider them on the list of realistic things to believe about.

His car thumped along the grassy field as he increased his speed towards the crashed vehicle, but by the time he arrived he skidded to a halt and slammed on the parking brake before literally grabbing 

his cane and throwing himself out of the driver's seat. He wasn't going to waste any time, and if there was somebody inside, he wasn't going to let them bleed out all over the floor of whatever the hell this thing was.

"Holy..." Reaching out while one hand rested squarely on his cane, it was only now being up so close to the ship that he realised just how large the thing was. Granted, it wasn't as big as they made them out to be on those 'Star Trek' shows he never watched, but it was small and sleek. Most likely big enough for a few people to walk around in but nothing beyond that...

Either way, this was fucking ridiculous.

Rather than give third degree burns to his hands, he scouted around the entire ship to get a better idea as to what he was dealing with, and he was looking for something specific. A 'hatch' or a symmetrical lining on the hull which gave an indication of a door, or an opening. "Hmmm...This beats STD's and Crotch Swabs..." He muttered, resting his weight on his good leg as he extended the cane out to an area close to the tinted glass at the front that appeared to be the cockpit. Tapping it twice, he brought it back and narrowed his blue eyes when he realised this was futile.

Whatever had crashed down was...Well, beyond his expertise. He was a doctor, not a technician or an engineer or an ET fanatic. That was what Chase was for...And his hair was surely enough to divert any alien from attacking. That blonde mop could coax an army into backing down...Shame it couldn't do the same for Cuddy.

Poking the exterior again, he jolted back and felt his heart skip a beat as a hissing sound gave notice that the door was slowly opening. It extended outwards, but got slightly jammed in mid-opening. "ARGh..OUT..OUT!" A coughing and spluttering voice sounded out from inside, causing House to stagger back and give way to whatever the hell was inside. Thick smog poured out the gaps of the door, and slowly the 'person' from inside began to lodge it free, sliding it to the side and literally leaping on the green grass and dragging itself painfully and quickly towards House, and a few metres beyond him. "Ship's going to blow! Duck for cover, NOW!"

_Oh shit._

House could see and smell the smog building up, so he gripped his cane and limped towards the crawling stranger, uniformed up in completely black attire and was wearing something similar to a motorcycle jacket. Her helmet was similar to that of a motorbike helmet, shrouding its face and gloves on its hands concealed those.

**KA-BOOM!**

In a brilliant display of heart and flames, the ship literally exploded and sent shards of metal and nacelle plasma flying in all directions, cracking and melting; and soon leaving the once-proud shuttle in flames. House had keeled over in a huddled position to protect his face, but when it was over he returned to a sitting up position and he could see that his newfound 'friend' did the same.

"_My ship!"_ The female voice whined and pointed to the burning remains of the ship, and she desperately reached for the clasps to undo her helmet.

"Perhaps you shouldn't have, Oh I don't know, 'crashed' it?" House interrupted.

"Ever heard of a thing called 'orbit'? Oh wait, you're a dipshit. Let's leave it at that, 'kay?"

House looked over as the stranger; obviously female scratched around for the clasps of her helmet, trying to analyse any detail that the uniform couldn't hide. But then he saw it...

_Oh shit._

Screw his cane; screw the vicodin, he was up faster than a heart beat when he saw what was protruding out from her uniform. A tail...A long, blue tail covered with blue skin and pointed at the end. "What the fuck are-"

But the surprises weren't over yet, because when he helmet came off, he could have sworn that he went into tachycardia. She was humanoid in appearance, with obvious differences that he noted from first glance. Dark blue skin, amber eyes...Feminine facial features...But her ears were pointed. Her hair was jet-black, but tied back in a military-type bun.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer..." The stranger mused, throwing her helmet to the side and clutching her tail as she stood up and shook her head furiously. "The commander is _not _going to be happy...I just had this ship serviced. Shit...Double shit. Shit to the power of a million divided by 0." The stranger, known as Ensign Tillia Moran, seemed to be ignoring the fact that there was a very confused man standing behind her, as she was still shaken up from her ship being shot down and destroyed. "I am so going to get a court marshal for this!" She whined, and turned around to face House. "Do you realise-"

"What?"

"Hold on..." Tillia paused and her eyes widened and practically bulged. "Oh shit. M-Class planet...Pre-Warp, SHIT!"

"What?!" House wasn't sure what to be scared of more. The fact that was talking to a vicodin induced fantasy; a real live alien OR one of the two that seemed to be having a nervous breakdown.

"I shouldn't be talking to you!"

"I'm generally not inclined to talk to my hallucinations but..."

"No, I **really **shouldn't be talking to you!" She groaned. "First contact protocols, I'm not authorized."

"So, how do you expect to talk then?"

"I...Well I'm beyond that aren't I? I'm Ensign Tillia Moran, and you are?"

House narrowed his eyes, and shrugged. "Doesn't matter... No need to introduce myself to hallucinations however..."

"Firstly, NOT a hallucination; secondly, screw you!"

"And _why _would you say that?" House leant in closer, but still kept a safe distance.

"Because...Oh fuck it; never mind. Wait..." Tillia paused and glanced around, taking note of the farmland she had landed in. "What planet's this?"

"You'd think that if you crashed into it you'd know what it was." _Ok.Ayyy.. Hallucination or not, he needed to explore this. _"It's Earth 'genius'."

"Earth...Hold on, HOLD ON!" The eccentric young woman paced back and forth, and leapt on the spot. "What year?"

"Every thought of carrying around a calendar, because it 'might' help with stuff like that." House rolled his eyes and leant on his cane.

"I said, what year?"

"2008."

Tillia's face dropped and her jaw went slack. "Ughh...Time travel. Rifts...I just broke the Prime and the Temporal Prime directive. The Federation doesn't exist yet, Starfleet isn't around and this place is pre-warp. Can I be the first to say holy fucking fuck? No wait, let me do one thing..." Turning around, she buried her head in her hands and let out an ear-splitting scream, causing House to stagger back and block his ears with one free hand. "HOLYMUTHAARGHTHISISNOTFAIRFUCKINGRIFT!!"

Now, not much sense could be made of that, except for the fact that she was rather pissed off for being trapped in the past on a pre-warp planet with a ship not even capable on getting her up to the near stratosphere. She was stranded, stuck, grounded...

"You...Alright?"

"NO! I'M NOT ALRIGHT! I GOT THROWN THROUGH A FUCKING RIFT ONLY TO BE PLUNGED DOWN THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE AND TO CRASH ON A PRE-WARP PLANET WHERE THE FEDERATION DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING EXIST YET!" She screamed. "AND TO TOP THAT OFF, THE ONE PERSON THAT I DO HAPPEN TO MEET IS A WANK!"

House had taken enough of this. To him, it was clear that this 'young woman' was a whinging little bitch that was taking it out on him. It was time for snark, and lots of it. "Firstly, quit the diva crap. It doesn't accentuate the hideous blue makeup you obviously threw up on before you painted it on your face like a house." He muttered. "Secondly, what's up with the tail? Or did your evolution go a little astray when a snake crawled up your ass and it decided to stay there? I doubt you keep it for balance, but then again...Inferior species, crashes down onto superior planet..." He gave a proud smirk, but he wasn't done yet. "And who the heck blows up their own ship? Or is that just a pussies way of hiding the evidence and getting the insurance claims? Here's a thought. Maybe you should have 'repaired' it. Then, it'd still be able to be FIXED."

Tillia was fuming, her hands were clenched and trembling as the young woman went to launch her moody tirade on the man. "Hey! You're not the one-"

"That _crashed_. Oh boo-hoo, tears for all. You're _so _important! Here's a thought, I have to do clinic hours. Any screams for me? Or are you like Cameron?"

"Like Cameron?"

"She's like you; she loves space because apparently the world revolves around her." House sneered, and his eyes trailed down to her leg which seemed to be pumping out a noticeable amount of blood. "Going to get that checked?"

"I'm fine." Tillia stated firmly, ignoring the pain.

"Doubt that." House thought for a moment, and an idea suddenly came to mind. Here he was, standing here with a real live _alien. An injured alien. _"For the record, I 'sorta' apologize in advance."

"In advance for _what?"_

"This." With that, House took his weight off his cane, lifted it up and caned her hard and sharply in the head, knocking her down to the ground unconcious. "Perfect."

**Authors note: LOL don't even ask why I wrote this, I probably won't even bother to continue it...UNLESS I get reviews and some noticeable interest. Anywho, enjoy! :D I just had a sudden muse when I wrote this xD Don't know why.**


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